The All-Knowing Mother

She doesn't exist, except as a cruel joke spread around to torment us Regulars.


Case in Point #1:

Before having her read the new primer, I reviewed some consonant blends with Annie, and things proceeded as they usually do.

The All-Knowing Mother: "What sound does this make?"

Nix: "Cr...like crack!"

(The All-Knowing Mother gives positive reinforcement through verbal encouragement.)

The All-Knowing Mother: "And this one?"

Nix: "Squ....like squeak!"

(More affirming noises.)

The All-knowing Mother: "How 'bout this one?"

Nix: "Scr.... just like scrickle!"

The All-Knowing Mother, gently: "But that's not a word, sweet."

Annika, without skipping a beat: "Yes, it is! It's my French word for "chimney!"

How could I argue?!

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Case in point #2:

Having newly discovered them, Millie's been on a riddle kick lately. Here's one delivered to you in real time.

Me, as I type right now: "Millie, tell me a riddle!"

Millie: "Um. What has eight legs and can juggle oranges and apples? Weeell, in the case of the ocean, it would be rocks-- smooth rocks."

Me: "I dunno."

Millie: "An octopus!"

Me: "Oh. I'm a dummy."

Annika has been listening to Millie for the last week and has taken riddling a step further-- right into absurdity. Go ahead, readers, riddle me this.

Annika: "What has sixteen heads...and no body... and two legs... and one finger? Oh! And it is orange. No, wait, BLUE."

All-Knowing Mother: "Is that all?" Proceeds to think all manner of nonsense before hitting gold with, "A monster?"

Annika, thinking about it: "Um.................Yup!"

Annika, later: "What has two heads and one body and no legs and a bib and five arms?"

I was completely befuddled, but Millie jumped right in with, "A baby monster."

Annika, thinking about it: "Um.....................yup!"

[John and I both burst into laughter.]