After Dad died, I looked through his collection of old calendars and tried to peer into his mind through the notes and doodles he put on certain dates. On the anniversary of my Grandpa Johnson's death, Dad had a bare notation-- "Dad"-- with a simple crying face. It sunk deeply, in part because of Dad's complex relationship with his father, and also because he was reticent to express this sorrow in words.
Ever since, in my planners, I've followed suit.
Yesterday was the day we marked Dad's exit from earth, and today is Sunbeam's due date. Death, life, grief, joy-- we get pieces of it all here on earth, sometimes jumbled all together.
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I had a doctor's appointment today, ran (hobbled) errands for most of the day, and before I changed into scruffy work clothes to descend into the Basement of Horror and Doom, I asked Millie to take a few pictures of this baby still in belly, perhaps for the last time, on an auspicious day of rain and fog.
We love you, little Sunbeam, indeed.
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We love you, too, Dad, and miss you still.
Someday you'll meet this baby!
I was just about to say how beautiful you look in these photos (you do!) and how sweet the doodle from your dad is (it is) but then you had to go and shatter me with that last sentence. Now I can't quite seem to see the type and I can't seem to stop the tears.
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ReplyDeleteThat last sentence is one of the happiest parts, God be willing! :)
Gorgeous, gorgeous baby & belly.
ReplyDeleteI am tingling with goosebump excitement about this baby!
What a beauty- you, your words, your faith. All.
ReplyDeleteYou are beautiful!! I'm stalking you daily for a glimpse of your beautiful new baby also :)
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