Love Better, I Tell Myself
I was listening to Debussy, low and soft, when the sound of Zeke crying from our upstairs bedroom caused me to turn off the music. Before I stood, I heard it again; it wasn't Zeke as I'd thought, but instead a mourning dove's plaintive call reaching through early morning fog and cricketsong and into the open window. It gave me pause. When my body has aged past bearing babies, I wonder how many times I'll mistake a sound for that of a baby's cry. What memories will rise when I'm in another life-time, and I know that it can't possibly be? Lay down your head, soak it up, and draw it in.
Time runs on, so tuck in close.
*Snapshots courtesy of an impromptu self&baby photo-session before putting
Zeke to bed. He is sleepy; can you tell? (Also, I know the snapshot three pictures up looks almost nothing like me. I set it manually, or so I thought, but the camera must have been on the "look like an airbrushed 12-year old" setting instead. Zeke is not being kidnapped. Sorry for the confusion.)
14 comments :
This is beautiful.
I tell myself at each stage of new life~ this may be your last womb baby, enjoy this kick, enjoy this hiccup; this might be the last time you nurse, this might be the last time you can kiss the folds of a neck or bend a teeny tiny finger; this time of sitting on laps to read won't last forever.
But you know, no matter how many reminders I have given myself, I am still not prepared to let those precious moments go. Every sweet moment is a gift.
Even more difficult now that 3 years have passed since I have had a baby. It seems it may be a lesson needed- which is not going well. :)
These photos are stunning and sweet. A treasure to have. I can't even pick a favorite because they are all so wonderful.
Your complexion is a treasure to have too. (camera schmamera)
PS.(because we are so fond of them) That blanket is beautiful!
The perfect post and pictures for my day off! So beautiful! I echo the words of Rebecca - you are a stunner without special camera settings! However, where would one find such a camera? I do believe I could benefit from this particular setting.:-D
Yes, the days go by quickly and the lazy days of summer always remind me of that special summer that our daughter was born. I loved being home with her and feel so blessed to have been gifted with those years. My heart took a picture of those precious moments that I recall now so vividly, as if they were yesterday.
The various stages of our children growing up brings many joys but the tenderest of times were when we had those early years together. I am definitely ready for the next stage...grandchildren!
Much love!
I guess you know that yesterday, August 22nd, would have been Debussy's 151st birthday, right?
I love these photos from deep in my heart, and your words especially, too. Especially true.
So cherished, so fleeting.
thank you.
I'll add:
I wrote in my journal a few months back, "I wonder: will my arms always feel the emptiness of not holding you?"
I think yes, sweetly so. Yet we also get to enjoy the moment of now, wherever we are blessed with them.
You do some fantastic self photography! That can be quite a trick.
Oh, beautiful images of a beautiful soul. Your words are true and rich. So many times, I've thought "if I could juuuust freeze time..." but of course, that isn't possible. So I try to devote myself to being more IN each minute of time... That is probably the most precious gift I was given when I survived against the odds. Time is precious. NOW is precious. Thank you for this.
Rebecca,
I've been thinking of and praying for you lately, even though you hold your longing with such grace.
Also, complexion shmaplexion. Wrinkles and freckles aren't all they're cracked up to be.
Molly,
It is a precious time, isn't it? I know that years from now, if these photos still exist, I'll be glad the whim struck and that I indulged it quickly enough to actually DO it. I trust you'll have some grandbabies someday to add to those heart-pictures of your daughter. If God gives, what a day that will be! I can easily imagine how much Someone will dote upon them. :) (Also, if it hadn't been for Google, I wouldn't have been listening to Debussy at all! Their search bar was so enticing I hunted more music to fill the room.)
Heidi,
Thank you and amen to your words. The Now is what I so easily can scurry past in to-dos and bustle and into what I most want to settle.
Titi,
Thanks, ma'am. Here's the trick. Start changing into your running clothes but only change the top half before deciding to scoop up a sleepy baby boy and take pictures. If it had been wintertime, I probably would have had a bathrobe and ski hat on. (Also, because I didn't plan or fuss, I wasn't positioned properly and had to cheat with these pictures and crop some of the original images. Some of the originals looked pretty dumb, but I like these. Thank you, cheating tools.)
Michelle,
YOU, especially, have internalized this lesson! Today is given, each minute, each hour, and you must find it impossible to take even a bit of it for granted.
p.s.
Deb, the girls are already pining for you. Hope you can make it back sometime this week.
I just cried. Ha! Imagine that if you've read my words lately. Love the bond of motherhood that binds us all together. Right when I thought I was the only who felt this way. Beautiful words, baby boy and mama.
Oh, and his little arm wrapped around yours slay me. Look how he loves you so much! Priceless pictures!
One time I set my camera up to do a self-portraiture. . . tripod and timer and all that jazz. At the very end of the session, I took a few with my camera just at arms length and pressing the button.
With all that careful preparation, guess which shots came out the very best? Yup, the arm-extension shots. Self-portraiture is hard!!
Carly,
Even without extenuating circumstances (pregnancy!), you would be justified. Babies are sweetness.
Titi,
Thanks for the warning. I'll steer clear of planning and preparation! (Wait, I rarely plan and prepare for anything. How handy!)
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