Mother's Day, 2017

We all hold names inside that are rarely or never seen-- aspects of self that don't easily fit into current seasons, quietly biding their time.  Undeveloped, hopeful possibilities.  Roads not taken with "Closed" on their gates.  Others are uglier, and those we deliberately bury in hopes that no one senses them lurking. A great bundle of names carried in one person, and, sometimes, it's hard to reconcile them all.

Almost sixteen years ago, the best friend of all named me "Wifey." Not quite a year later, "Mama" joined the ranks, a name I had not envisioned and for which I did not feel prepared. It's hard to believe that I've been Mama now for 15 years, from those months of carrying Mildred within-- John and I together a young jumble of bewilderment, uncertainty, and excitement at the newness of being Parents-- to now, carrying this little one so comfortably that I sometimes forget the gift that squirms and stretches in the dark warmth of my womb.

One day, Lord willing, this present life's joy and work will join me in worship of our Father, all living souls who stand and sing beside me.  The bulk of my earthly energy carried into Heaven.  We'll ring around the throne together, my Joy-Work and John and I, and we'll sing the praises of Him who shaped us.  The reality of this reconciles everything, this wonder that God has worked into the world.


sarah said...

Yes. Thank you for this.

Rebecca said...

And now this! What are you doing to me, woman?!

Beautiful. And amen.

*sniff* wipe.

It's weird when tears come unexpectedly. Isn't it?

Leah said...

Again, such beautiful words. (And yes, I'm crying again, too.)

Abigail said...

Thanks, ladies.

I wrote this to remind myself of things I know but sometimes don't feel. I was talking to my sister-in-law during our camping trip about the gifts God gives that don't have opportunity to develop down here. But He designed us with such care that they can't be an accident!

I believe that in Heaven, all of those gifts will flourish and bring delight to our Creator. I like imagining my brother Luke being both the artist and designer he is here on earth AND the circus acrobat/gymnast that I think he could have been with a vastly different upbringing. Annika will tumble laughing through the air on a circus trapeze, and all the latent gifts people have that we're not aware of will surprise and delight us, too! All those hibernating or silent talents will thrive to bring glory to God. Maybe it's just a careless fancy, but I think it, anyway.