I just deleted most of this post, because that's what I do. What's left doesn't make much sense, but who said I ever make sense?
John and I read
Howards End recently, together-apart. Given a stack of potential books to read, I wouldn't have singled it out, but it surprised me, and I enjoyed it a great deal. I don't take notes while reading a book for the first time (with apologies to all you commonplace journalers), but I was tempted to extract lines here and there to save for later. I didn't, but now I find myself thinking of several of those lines and wishing I could recall them more clearly (and now all you commonplace journalers are saying, "See! I told you so.") Wait a minute...
There. I just looked up one quote that sunk straight into me so that I wouldn't mangle it through rephrasing:
Under cosmopolitanism, if it comes, we shall receive no help from the earth. Trees and meadows and mountains will only be a spectacle, and the binding force that they once exercised on character must be entrusted to Love alone. May Love be equal to the task!
Life behind the blog is fraught with tangles, as living is for everyone. These winter months have minor hardship (not even hardship when looking at the reality of worldwide suffering), and they can stretch long. In the quiet and dark, I wake up with the company of old sorrows and new worries, as everyone does.
Trees, meadows, mountains. Those secret spaces still exist, and a part of me is still there in them. A quick walk down the hill, and there they wait. The true 10-year-old self, the turbulent 16-year-old self, the sober 20-year-old self-- right there. Perched on the rock where the deer spoke; swinging legs from the barn beam, watching the sun illumine dust; hiding under the dripping, mossy overhang by the ravine.