Your death blows a strange bugle call, friend, and all is hard
To see plainly or record truly. The new light imposes change,
Re-adjusts all a life-landscape as it thrusts down its probe from the sky,
To create shadows, to reveal waters, to erect hills and deepen glens.
The slant alters. I can’t see the old contours. It’s a larger world
Than I once thought it. I wince, caught in the bleak air that blows on the ridge.
Is it the first sting of the great winter, the world-waning? Or the cold of spring?
A hard question and worth talking a whole night on. But with whom? Of whom now can I ask guidance?
With what friend concerning your death
Is it worth while to exchange thoughts unless—oh unless it were you?

 -C.S.  Lewis  (To Charles Williams)


Deborah Johnson said...

Good, good, good. I've appreciated C.S. Lewis a lot in the past few months. I read A Grief Observed for the first time and was grateful for it. And this poem speaks well and resonates deep.

Rebecca R. said...

It is hard to put into words adequately...we all miss him so!

Abigail said...

John shared the poem with me, and it did the same. I should make time to read A Grief Observed; the few excerpts I've read have illuminated some of the lost moments. Do you have a copy I could borrow? (John might actually own it, too, without me knowing...)

Oh, Beck, I know. Love you.

Abigail said...

p.s. Love you, too, Deborah. :)

Leah said...

My heart aches for you all. Much love from all of us. <3

Deborah Johnson said...

And I love you, Abigail. :)

Sarah said...

earthy quote; so real; so descriptive of true loss; I love this picture of your dad's hands holding Piper's. I also love the collage you put together for Pete. Pete put on your dad's sweater and looked at it in the laundry room alone for quite some time last night. I could tell it made him more happy than sad and I'm glad for it.

Abigail said...

Thanks, Leah. We miss you all!

Mom was just talking the other day about how she loved Dad's big hands, and I remember them engulfing mine whenever we had a grip contest. I was glad to find that picture.

The collage was as good to make as it was to give! Sorting through a box of Dad's notes and reading his calenders to find a sampling, I cried more than I have since God took him. This poem, especially the last two lines, made me immediately think of Pete.

And while I'm leaving the world's longest comment, you can't escape the love-fest. :) Love you, Sally!

Renata said...

I can't imagine your pain, but you are still in my prayers often. This poem speaks beautifully.

sarah said...

Thinking of you and yours so often...I love this poem.

cadie said...

I appreciated the poem, as something which gave me a glimpse into what you guys have been going through and feeling. Love you guys too, and I wish I could take away the pain.

Abigail said...

Thanks, girls. I know that loss is heartbreakingly common and something all mankind has and will experience, but that doesn't make it feel any less foreign when it flips me off my feet some days. I appreciate your love and prayers for my mom and family.