10.13.2013

Oh, Baby, Baby




About a month ago, John and I were unloading our circus all the children from the van when a lady called out to us from a few cars down.  As anyone with more than two children knows, people in public places are willing to share their unsolicited opinions about the size of your family, and these opinions are generally negative, even if implicit or well-meaning. So as she called out, I slightly braced myself for what I anticipated hearing.

Bless her bones.  I heard no, "Wow!  You've got your hands full!" or "I sure couldn't do it!" or "Do you know what causes that?" or "Man, I can't stand having even TWO; I don't know you do it." or any of the hackneyed phrases that I grew tired of hearing years ago.  No, this middle-aged woman surprised me with a big grin and a loud, "THANK you!"   She went on to say that it was so good to see a large family out in public and that she missed seeing more than one in a blue moon.  She continued talking, and I listened with my jaw on the ground, until I remembered to thank her in return.  Her words were refreshing and encouraging and totally unexpected.

Now, we do get positive comments quite a bit, mixed in with the rude gaping and muttering, but these comments are usually along the lines of how well-behaved, polite, and beautiful (?) our children are, which I think is less a reflection on our girls and Zeke and more a statement on how far the general populace has fallen, with its unrestrained and ugly screaming tantrums in the grocery line and the just as unrestrained, ugly responses by parents who should love better, but who, for whatever reason, don't.  Our family is flawed, like all families, but people usually expect the worst when they see half a dozen children out together.  I want to help people expect more.

I have a string of responses for those comments these days and offer them like a reflex.
"You sure have your hands full!"
Yes, happily so!

"Wow, that's a heckuva lot of kids."
Yup, they're wonderful!

"I sure couldn't do it."
I don't do it well half the time, either, but they're worth it!

"Do you know what causes that?"
You bet!  Why do you think we have so many? Or there's John's usual response: Ummm.  No....but I'm gonna keep trying until I find out.

"What's in your water?"
Something AWESOME, obviously!

And, no, my husband doesn't make much money, though he's right where he should be (about $11/hour minus taxes & insurance is modest, right?), and, no, we're not on government assistance (and yet we still have brimful bellies), and, no, a rich uncle didn't leave us a chest full o' gold (where is that uncle with his chest full of gold?), and, yes, we have more than enough.  This is a testament to the wealth of our country, our daily choices to live simply and work well, the love of others, and, over and through it all, God's open hand of provision.

These are all Pollyanna responses and don't show the full, messy picture of life as a mama of many, with all my sorry screw-ups, but I weary of strangers complaining about their children-- to me or to whomever they're with, and usually with their children listening-- and I don't want my children to hear anything of the kind.  Instead, I want them to know, bone-deep, that they are precious, they are valued, they are loved, and that their Creator-God named them before He even shaped the world.  They are not accidents; they are not a result of irresponsibility or oversight. They were deliberately knit together by their Father, and they are welcome in our hearts and lives.

I've briefly touched before on the fact that John and I accept the children that God gives, without too much elaboration because this blog's not designed for debates people love to scrap about, no matter how deeply held the belief.  All this to say, in brief:  We are honored to accept this little soul.  May God protect him or her in the womb and out, and may He give us the grace and wisdom to be better than we are.

Oh, yeah.   If you think of it the next time you see a large family out and about, give them a big grin and a thumbs-up from me, will you?  Trust me, they'll love you for it.

And thank you all for your big grins and thumbs-ups!  We love you for it.

14 comments :

Unknown said...

I love this. AND your large family!

Torie

Abigail said...

Torie! Hullo!
Here's an row of exclamation marks just for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love being reminded that you still check in on us. You rock.

Molly said...

Well said, Abigail, and well done! I await with great anticipation for another beautiful child to join your wonderful family.

Much love!

Liana said...

I love your words, I love your heart, and your family... whether 9 or 99...
Children are a blessing & it's so wonderful that you & John believe this as well!

Bonnie said...

1.) Ha, I knew it! Don't ask me how, but just the other day, I was thinking to myself "I bet Abby's pregnant again" Yay! hooray! and congratulations!

2.) thanks for thinking my pictures were good

3.) I was walking out of the grocery store with my crew in tow and an ornery old man called out his car window "You need a hobby!" and I was tickled to fire right back "We have one, and I'd say we're pretty good at it!" (with a big grin on my face). He got a good laugh and I got a good story.

Rundy said...

I have reverted to a lurker these last few years but still reading. Thought I'd pipe up and say "Yay!" for this post. (Though a certain person whose name begins with T told me the news before it became blog-public)

Leah T. said...

Very well said! And you know how wholeheartedly I agree! You and your precious wee one are in my prayers. Samuel is just over 3 months old and I am already excited about having more children, God willing. Each of the girls has asked me several times when we'll have another baby. :D Having a large family is such a beautiful and faith-growing experience.

Hannah cut her foot quite badly on Sunday night. We took her to the ER and she came home with 12 stitches! She was a trooper and handled it pretty well considering the amount of pain caused by the anesthetic shots and the stitches themselves. She doing very well but you know how hard it is (would be) to keep a 3 year old down for any length of time!

Abigail said...

Molly,
Us, too!

Liana,
99, huh?! We'll see what we can do, but no promises. :)

Bonnie,
-Some have that sixth sense. I sure don't!
-That's a great reply. It has me hoping that someone springs that one on me, 'cause I'd totally steal it.

Rundy,
Man, Tom Cruise just doesn't know how to keep his mouth shut. I had a feeling he'd let the cat out of the bag...

Thanks for the sincere "Yay!" (p.s. Please give "T" my thanks for the donuts. I'm still savoring their memory a day later.)

Leah,
Both beautiful and faith-growing. Amen to that.

AND:
Noooooo! That's awful. I'm so sorry! Su sliced through her nostril a couple of months ago, and she nearly went into hysterics during the anesthesia shots. I can't imagine having to keep a 3-year old calm. How long does she have to stay off it? And how on earth can you possibly KEEP her off it?! (Also, I finally had John mail your box this afternoon. Sorry it took so long!)

Rebecca said...

This is so beautiful.

I love those rare moments when someone is encouraging. I feel that way too when people break the touch barrier- I instantly like them. One day this little european lady came over in the Target parking lot and in a thick accent told me "how wonderful it was to see children! and their Mama! and so beautiful they are!" while cupping each of the children's faces and patting me over and over on the arm. I loved that. And I still think about that little old lady with the european accent even now- and wonder if she knows just how much that moment affected me.

Leah- I am so sorry to hear about Hannah but very glad that she must be on the mend now! Poor thing!

Abigail said...

Rebecca,
I, too, have had a little European woman do the same! I like imagining that it's the same woman and that it's her mission to wander through parking lots brightening mamas and children everywhere.

heidiann(e) said...

This made me smile.
As did your retorts.
:-)

Leah said...

The anesthesia shots were absolutely terrible. And the stitches were bad, too. I was in tears because she was being "tortured" so. She looked at me as if to say, "Why are letting them hurt me. Please, make them stop!" and of she was screaming "Ouch!" over and over again. It brings be to tears just remembering it. :'(

She is doing very well now. The cut and stitches look good so far. She will go back to the doctor in two weeks (the 28th) to have the stitches removed. I'm praying the removal is much easier than the putting in was. :/ My mama heart can handle seeing her go through more pain.

The box arrived today! Thank you so much! The girls are so excited by all the beautiful clothes. And the shoes! Esther has them on now. She has loved Hello Kitty since my mom first introduced her a couple years ago.

Titi said...

(what horrible things does it say about me that I went and forgot it was THIS Monday we made donuts?? school work does strange things to my sense of time.

hum.

that might be why I'm up at 10:30 instead of properly in bed.)

Renata said...

Congratulations!!! This is wonderful! I was just thinking as I looked at that picture of Zeke ( with the haircut) that your baby is looking grown up, Praise God for another blessing on the way!
Take care and I'll keep you and bub in my prayers!
Renata:)